Match
by ladyaymie
Summary: Chiyo wants to find her grandson a bride, but Sasori just isn’t that interested. Yet, anyway. SasoxDei. Warning: Slightly AU, and OOCness.
1. Chapter 1

**Match**

**Chapter 1**

**Summary: Chiyo wants to find her grandson a bride, but her grandson just isn't that interested. Yet, anyway. SasoxDei. Warning: Slightly AU, and OOCness. **

**A/N: This story is AU, because it's not set in the world of Naruto, but it's not modern- more like Asia in ancient times (if you watch Chinese movies, you'll get what I'm talking about with the whole competition to select grooms thing). The ages are altered to fit the plot more, and the opinions of the characters are not necessarily my own opinions as well. Also, anyone with a name is **_**NOT**_** an OC! Also, the LINE BREAK FLASHBACK. **

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned Naruto, so Sasori wouldn't have such a freaky puppet body. O.O **

Akasuna Sasori was walking through the streets, deep in thought. Earlier that morning, his grandmother had just lectured him about his future. He was twenty-eight years old, she'd said, and he didn't have a wife, didn't have a high rank in court- didn't have _any _rank in court, wasted all his time working on pointless things, like making _puppets_ (even though- Sasori noted with some bitterness- she had been the one that taught him how to make those in the first place), and however was she going to feel reassured passing away if he was still so helpless and didn't have anyone to take care of him?

So mostly, the lecture had been about getting himself a companion for life. And it had turned into a heated argument at that point (Sasori had been silently fixing one of his puppets and zoning her out before that), for Chiyo had brought up the subject of _her _again.

Sasori frowned in displeasure at the thought of being married to _her_. The girl in question was one Haruno Sakura, the Empress Tsunade's ward. The empress treated her as if she were her own daughter, and taught her everything she knew, so that Sakura was pretty much a princess in her own right.

And lately, she had just reached the age where girls were finally able to marry. Tsunade had made sure word of that got around the country, and Chiyo had been one of the first to find out.

Grandma Chiyo used to be an advisor, and the only female official, at the royal court, so naturally, she wanted the best for her grandson. She had spent a considerable amount of time with Sakura, and decided she really liked the girl, to Sasori's dismay.

He had met her once, only once, and had taken an immediate dislike to her. Despite the fact that she was incredibly strong and had extensive knowledge of medicine, Sakura still seemed like a complete airhead to the redhead.

The way she talked and acted, her mannerisms, her annoying temper and bratty nature, and her creepy obsession with Uchiha Sasuke, one of the lords' son, was enough to convince Sasori that if he ever ended up married to her, he would take poison on their wedding night and die happy.

Unfortunately, that did nothing to convince Chiyo that Sakura was not the perfect candidate for a granddaughter-in-law. And every time she brought her up, which was quite often, Sasori would end up arguing with her for half an hour or more, resulting in him leaving the house in a fit of rage.

Today was no different. Sasori was seriously pissed, because no matter how he looked at it, it was a win-win for Chiyo. His grandmother simply wanted him to find himself a companion, so he wouldn't end up living alone for the rest of his life. She wouldn't mind if he married someone other than Sakura, as long as he married _somebody_.

However, this was easier said than done. He didn't know why, but he'd never really felt an attraction to anyone before. It might have been because Sasori was an extremely picky person, and the person he chose would have to be his idea of perfect art. He was an artist, and he wanted someone with whom he could discuss his art with. Too bad this place was completely lacking in the area of art appreciators.

Sasori was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't hear the sound of hooves echoing on cobblestones from about a hundred yards away. It wasn't until the carriage was close enough to run him over had the driver not slowed down the horse in time, that he finally noticed and jumped out of the way.

"Whoa, there! You really ought to watch where you're going, sir! He could've killed you right there!" The driver leaned out of his seat and indicated to the horse. "Say, you aren't by any chance heading to Miss Suzume's groom-selection event, are you?"

Sasori's eyes narrowed as he heard the word "groom-selection".

"Eh, guess not. Oh well- it's just up ahead if you want to drop by. I'd recommend it. Our Suzume's one of the prettiest dolls in this town." The driver grinned and lifted his cap to Sasori, who nodded back and continued walking. Strange that he'd refer to his master's daughter as a "pretty doll", though it did slightly raise Sasori's interest.

He noticed the pale curtains over the carriage window drop back into place out of the corner of his eye, as if someone inside had been watching him. Probably the girl Suzume. Poor thing, getting married off to someone random in this way. At least the other girls he knew had chosen from a select group of wealthy bachelors.

He had been planning to stop at his favorite restaurant for lunch. It was a high-class place, with two stories and little tables out on the balcony. Sasori enjoyed sitting there alone and reflecting on his life.

Today, however, something was very off. For one thing, the entrance to the restaurant had been partially obscured- by a giant red stage (well, not really- it actually looked more like a boxing ring than anything)! And the tables on the balcony had been cleared away, the railings draped with a red cloth and red ribbons.

A man was standing on the stage, and there was a sizable crowd gathered around below. He had slightly graying hair, and appeared to be extremely wealthy, judging by the material his clothes were made of.

"Today, I am hosting a huge competition here in this very spot! All who are interested, please feel free to stay and listen! My daughter, Suzume, has just turned 20 and it is time to find her a proper husband! She has had so many people ask for her hand in marriage that I realized I needed a good way to figure out who is truly worthy of having her as a bride! In addition to our fabulous wealth, our family has been renowned for generations for being exceptionally skilled warriors and ARTISTS! The man my daughter marries must be intelligent, strong, AND talented, and the best way to prove that, and find that man, will be through this challenge that I have designed!"

Sasori remained rooted to the spot. Did he just say this Suzume was an _artist_? By this time, a HUGE crowd had gathered around the stage, most of them male, though there were quite a few female spectators, too.

"Keep in mind, the winner will receive, in addition to my daughter's hand in marriage, five hundred gold bars, a thousand acres of land, a new house on the east side of town…"

The man continued to list more items from his incredibly long list, but Sasori had stopped listening after the rules had been explained. He didn't have to listen- all these competitions were the same, anyways.

If it weren't for the fact that the man had said his family members valued art, Sasori would've moved right on. He'd been through enough of these events to be sick of them for a lifetime.

* * *

A few years back, his grandmother had gone into a matchmaking frenzy, drawing up lists of all the eligible young women of royal/noble/merchant class in the capital for him to consider. After the lists (complete with portraits and profiles on each woman) had been found shoved underneath his bed, apparently forgotten for months, Chiyo had had to find other methods to get Sasori to meet prospective brides.

The answer came in a letter from one of Chiyo's friends at court. His daughter, Temari, had reached an age where she was ready to be married off, and in order to choose the right husband for her, he had come up with a contest, to be held at his estate the following week.

The rules were very simple. Whichever man could beat his daughter in a sparring match would win her hand in marriage. Chiyo had immediately called Sasori home from his trip through the countryside in search of materials for his strange hobby of puppet-making. He was displeased to discover the cause for his homecoming, and even less pleased when he learned what he was expected to do in a few days.

Temari was the daughter of a very powerful general at court. Sasori had met her several times when he was younger, and had actually found her quite intriguing (she was probably one of the few young women in the capital who had both brains and beauty, and could hold her own with the young lords and masters), though it was so obvious that Temari wasn't the type who would be happy to just settle down and be somebody's wife.

He knew he'd just beat her in the spar, she'd just find a way to get out of the marriage, and Grandma Chiyo'd just drag him off to the next family with an eligible bachelorette.

So when the day of the contest came, Sasori, knowing that he'd never get away with making up excuses, calmly leapt out of his second-story window without bothering to land properly, twisted his ankle, and had to stay home. Unfortunately, Chiyo knew exactly what he had done, so for the next month, she kept very close watch on him, making sure he didn't find another way to escape.

One month, and six unsuccessful visits to Chiyo's friends-with-daughters' households later, another letter arrived, this time from an old business partner of Chiyo's, Yamanaka Inoichi. The man owned a chain of flower shops, and as a result, had come up with some bizarre way to find a husband for his daughter.

He'd set up a giant dome covered in thick vines (think one of those jungle gyms you see in school playgrounds, only many times as large, and with vines growing all over) in his own backyard, and had made various flowers grow among the vines. Then he drew up lists for each of the young men he'd invited, and informed them that the first to reach the top and get the rose (there was only one rose) and therefore all the flowers on the list would marry his daughter. If you fell off the dome, you were out of the competition. That was all.

Sasori didn't even glance at his own list (Since Chiyo had been keeping such a close eye on him, he didn't manage to get out of the house in time and had to show up at the "giant scavenger hunt obstacle course", as he'd decided to call it). Instead, he looked around at his "rivals".

There was that Uchiha kid, the younger one, standing right in the middle of the row, to Sasori's right. His family had a lot of influence at court, and at the moment, he seemed to have an advantage over the others (the middle looked closer to the dome than the other positions).

To Sasori's left was the young genius kid, Shikamaru. Sasori heard that he'd been recruited by the prince to draw up military strategies for the army. Impressive. He wouldn't mind losing to this kid (for Sasori had made up his mind that he would lose, no matter how mad his grandmother would be later on).

The other rivals were various people that he recognized from his visits to the palace and other wealthy households around the capital. Yamanaka Inoichi may have been a merchant, but he held a monopoly in the business here, and as a result, many notable households had shown up to see his daughter's husband being chosen.

While he had been taking note of his surroundings, the rules had been explained, and everyone was getting ready to start at Inoichi's signal. However, the signal didn't come. Instead, Sasori saw, with increasing horror, that his grandmother had stood up and Inoichi was waiting for her to speak.

"Inoichi, my friend, I couldn't help but notice that the set-up for this competition is a bit biased."

"How so?" Inoichi asked patiently.

"Well, I find it odd that Uchiha Sasuke happens to be placed right in the middle, closest to the dome. That increases his odds of winning the competition. This is supposed to be completely fair, which means everyone has to have an equal chance." Chiyo said in her commanding voice, which was surprisingly loud for an old woman.

Sasori noticed the other competitors had glanced disapprovingly at him for a second after she spoke. He felt slightly uncomfortable from the unwanted attention.

"That's where you're wrong, Chiyo. You see, I made sure when I designed this course that every single competitor was the exact same distance away from the finish."

"Not so at all." Chiyo proceeded to explain just why it was wrong, speaking super fast and pointing at Uchiha Sasuke and Sasori a lot throughout the entire explanation. Sasori felt the glares directed at him grow more intense by the second.

"Grandma, it's okay. Sasuke can stay where he is." Sasori said, but his grandmother just ignored him.

Apparently, Chiyo felt Sasori was standing too far to the left, which meant that he had to run in a diagonal line to reach the dome instead of just in a straight line like Sasuke could from his position. Either Inoichi should reposition everyone so that they were all the exact same distance from the dome or else Sasori ought to be placed in the middle, seeing as he was older than Sasuke by several years, and was more delicate and fragile in health. Of course he had to be slower, so placing him in the middle instead of Sasuke meant that it was fair for everyone.

"Grandma." Sasori repeated, louder this time, feeling his face grow redder as the families of the other competitors started to glare at him, too.

"Troublesome…" He heard the Nara kid say from beside him, sighing.

Finally, Sasori burst.

"GRANDMA, I REALLY DON'T CARE WHERE I'M STANDING! CAN WE JUST START NOW?!"

But his grandmother was sitting back down again, a smug look on her face, her hands folded neatly in her lap.

"All right, then. I think we can arrange that. Sasori, please, switch places with Sasuke. Sasuke, I hope you don't mind too much? After all, Chiyo is right- Sasori does seem much paler and more fragile than you are."

Sasori's eye twitched as several of the other competitors snickered. Sasuke didn't even say anything. He just switched places with Sasori, looking bored and eager to get this over with.

When everyone was in place, the huge bang from the explosive note sounded, and eleven young men rushed to the dome. Sasori was folding the list with the flower names on it and putting it in his basket.

"SASORI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? EVERYONE'S AHEAD OF YOU! START RUNNING!" Chiyo shouted from behind him, standing up next to the table.

The redhead sighed, taking several sprints and leaping onto the dome, next to everyone else. The others were frantically clawing at each other, attacking and kicking their opponents off of the thick vine ropes hanging from the dome.

Since Sasori was last, they hadn't taken notice of him yet. Hearing his grandmother's voice, clear and distinct, even among the seeming hundreds of other cheering, shouting voices, reminded him that he ought to at least act like he was making an effort.

So he reached out and calmly plucked an orchid that three other men were fighting over, dropping it in his basket and climbing higher up.

Ten minutes later, most of his opponents had fallen off, and Sasori still remained unscratched, unbruised, and his basket was filling up faster than he'd like. In fact, now that he looked, the only people left on the ropes were Uchiha Sasuke and Nara Shikamaru!

Their baskets were both full, and they were headed towards the top of the dome. Sasori had three items left on his list, including the rose, so he took his time navigating around the dome, searching for them.

Sasuke and Shikamaru, surprisingly, were heading back down the dome now, fighting each other using complex moves while still hanging on to the ropes, as if the filled-to-the-brim woven baskets hanging from their arms weren't any trouble to hold on to.

The Uchiha still had that bored look on his face, though he _was_ making an effort to block the moves Shikamaru was attacking him with. All traces of boredom and laziness, Sasori noted with interest, had vanished from Shikamaru's face completely. If anything, the boy seemed very determined to beat Sasuke, judging from the fierce gleam in his eyes.

And that was when Sasori remembered.

He had been at the Yamanaka flower shop one day to get something for his grandmother's birthday, but there was no one in the store. Instead, he had spotted Yamanaka Ino conversing in whispers and giggling, behind a statue just outside of the shop, with her arms around Nara Shikamaru (though he didn't know him at the time).

Hmm. This meant that those two were already seeing each other before, and if Sasuke, who didn't really seem that interested, won, then Ino and Shikamaru would have to be separated forever. No wonder the boy was fighting so intensely. Sasori was no romantic, but he felt something tugging inside of him at the thought of Sasuke, cold, stoic, uncaring Uchiha Sasuke, marrying Ino. He'd feel sorry for anyone that married Sasuke, come to think of it.

"GET THE ROSE, SASORI! THERE'S YOUR CHANCE RIGHT NOW!!!" Chiyo's voice echoed from somewhere far off. She was right. He had found the last item in his basket, and the way to the rose was wide open at the moment.

But there was no way Sasori was going to get that rose. The thought of _him _winning and having to marry Ino instilled more fear in his heart than even the pity he'd feel towards Shikamaru if Sasuke married her.

At that moment, Sasuke and Shikamaru finally turned some of their attention towards Sasori, who was hanging above them, and started jumping upwards, using their ropes to hoist themselves up.

Sasori didn't want to fight them over the Yamanaka girl, whom he didn't even like, and he was sure that if they both attacked him at once, he'd be overwhelmed without the aid of his puppets. His taijutsu skills weren't bad, but he was positive he wouldn't be getting away unharmed.

So he made up his mind at that second to help Shikamaru, who was a bit behind Sasuke, out. It wasn't that hard from where he was hanging. He simply had to let go and drop…

"Oof!" He heard the Uchiha utter as his basket full of flowers landed over his head, and Sasori along with it a split second later. Shikamaru had one eyebrow raised, and just looked confused, as he watched the blur of black and red fly past him towards the ground below.

…….

"And the winner is Nara Shikamaru!" Inoichi exclaimed, in mild confusion, as his daughter ran past him to hug Shikamaru, who was just leaping off onto the ground.

Sasuke was shoving a smirking Sasori off of him and yanking the basket off his head with some difficulty. Various members of his "team" that he'd brought along with him were rushing out to help him.

Sasori got up off the ground and calmly dusted himself off, noting with grim apprehension that Chiyo baa-sama was striding briskly towards him, looking completely outraged.

"What did you just do?! You were right there! Why didn't you grab the flower?" She bellowed the moment she reached him.

"I was going to." Sasori shrugged. "You try outrunning Uchiha Sasuke and Nara Shikamaru while hanging onto a rope, _without_ using chakra, with a basket of super-light _flowers _swinging from your wrist, and see if you don't fall, Grandma Chiyo!"

He took advantage of Chiyo's momentary silence as she thought about this and ran off.

* * *

Flash-forward years later, and his attitude towards the whole thing was still the same. He wasn't interested in a wife, and he wasn't going to marry just to satisfy his grandmother.

Then why the hell was he still standing here, his head tilted up towards the balcony in expectance? The girl was an artist. So what, right? It wasn't like he had to have her just because she happened to paint…

"Now, everyone, I'd like to introduce to you, my daughter- Suzume!" The man waved at his daughter, who was standing in the shadow of the rafter over the balcony. At his words, she stepped forward and leaned slightly upon the railing.

And Sasori's breath caught in his throat. The girl was wearing a thin, pale veil, and yet her facial features could be clearly distinguished through it. She had long golden-blond hair, swept to the left of her face. Her eyes were a pale crystal-blue, like the sky, like the eyes of the doll that Grandma Chiyo had sitting in a glass display case in her room. For as long as Sasori could remember, his idea of the perfect woman had always been of one who had eyes like those of that doll.

He heard the crowd around him start cheering.

"Now that's a beautiful woman!" Someone shouted, and the crowd screeched wildly.

The girl's father was beaming at everyone.

"Now, may I have the first two challengers on the stage at this moment, please?"

Immediately, two men leapt onto the stage from the front row of the crowd. They announced their names, bowed to one another, and the fight began.

Sasori barely watched any of it, his eyes remaining focused on the balcony, even though the girl was no longer there. It was so much that he was _mesmerized _by Suzume- it was more like, for the first time in his life, he was actually interested in participating. He didn't plan on marrying the girl, at least not yet. He just knew he had to win if he wanted to talk to her, which was all he wanted at this point, really.

Sasori had always been confident of his own ability, and right now was no exception. He was convinced that all he had to do was wait patiently until only one challenger remained. Then he would make his move and claim the prize…

Two hours passed, and still there were more new challengers climbing onto the stage to fight the winner of the previous match, though admittedly, they were getting more and more skilled as the rounds went by.

Sasori was beginning to get impatient. It was a wonder he had been willing to wait this long- everyone knew he hated waiting more than anything else.

"They're getting better, aren't they, un?" Someone asked from behind him. The redhead whirled around, his eyes locking onto a crystal-blue one, the same crystal-blue as the eyes of the doll in the display case, of the girl on the balcony...


	2. Chapter 2

**Match**

**Chapter 2**

**Summary: The competition has begun! Who will marry Suzume in the end? Who IS this non-OC Suzumi, anyways? Very predictable, but read on anyways! **

**A/N: Forgot to mention this before, but in this AU story, the characters use chakra (as Sasori mentioned in Ch. 1), but it's a _modified _form, meaning probably no cool, unique moves like the ones they have in the actual Anime/Manga. Also, in these groom-selection matches, there is no chakra OR weapon-usage involved, hence the reason why everyone is fighting using taijutsu. Also, line break means flashback, ... means later on, and means POV switch. **

**By the way, thanks for the reviews and faves, guys! I didn't expect any feedback for this story, since the idea came to me VERY RANDOMLY one night while I was having writer's block and it was originally meant to be just a long one-shot, but now it's extended to this, apparently. :D **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Sasori wouldn't have died. **

The person standing behind him was about exactly the same height as he was, with blond hair tied in a high ponytail, and floppy bangs that covered his left eye completely. He was smirking, and had his hands shoved into his pockets.

"Indeed." Sasori responded, continuing to stare openly at the blonde.

"What, un?"

"You have the same eyes as that Suzume girl." The blonde's eye widened for a split second before returning to normal.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" He asked, the smirk returning to his face. "Like art, I'd say, un. If art were meant to last as long, that is."

"What do you mean?" Sasori asked, frowning slightly.

"I mean that humankind in general can't be considered as works of art as long as they keep on existing, un. Like that Suzume. Did you see the way everyone cheered when she came out there? She allowed those men only one glimpse of her face- just one, and the effect was striking! I bet if she'd remained on the balcony and let them keep ogling at her the way they were, they would've had their fill and gotten tired of it, un."

Sasori shifted uncomfortably in his place. What the other boy (he assumed it was a boy, since he looked to be younger than twenty) said was true, in a way. He really wanted to see Suzume again, to learn more about her, because to him, the girl had an aura of mystery about her. She was beautiful, and her too-brief appearance had left him with a certain longing- but wait!

"That's not true at all." Sasori said, as he recovered his senses and suddenly remembered his own ideas about true art. "A work of art like Miss Suzume was meant to last for eternity. The reason she's such a masterpiece is because her beauty will last for a very long time, to be enjoyed and admired by others time and time again."

The blue-eyed boy scoffed, flipping his long bangs off of his face for a brief second.

"You're not going to appreciate her beauty as much anymore if she were your wife, and you saw her every moment of every day for the rest of your life, un. People take things for granted when they know they'll always be around."

Sasori was slightly annoyed at this ignoramus's seeming insistence that art was something that shouldn't be admired and passed on for generations.

Why, it was almost as if he were implying that art was something that should exist for merely a moment in time, or something equally ridiculous. It reminded Sasori of those flowers that bloomed only once every thirteen years or so, and withered away in less than five seconds.

* * *

He remembered back when he was a child, and his parents were still alive, they had grown a flower like that in their courtyard. One night, crowds of people had gathered there hours beforehand just to watch the flower bloom. A "once in a lifetime" opportunity to see a "work of art", they'd said. 

Unfortunately, a few seconds before the flower was set to bloom, a messenger from the emperor had arrived, calling Sasori's parents into court for an urgent matter. Everyone's attention had been briefly diverted by the arrival of the royal messenger, and Sasori managed to turn around only in time to see the flower wither into nothingness, thirteen years of hard work to develop a masterpiece destroyed within a few seconds.

His parents had set out for the neighboring country that night on a diplomatic mission from the emperor. Sasori waited up for them every night for a month, but they never came back. His grandmother finally told him the terrible news, the reason why they couldn't return.

He didn't understand it. He didn't see why things that were supposed to be precious, to be worthwhile, to be there forever, could be gone in such a short amount of time. He hated it.

And when Grandma Chiyo had introduced him to the art of puppet-making, he'd decided that any work of art he made would always last forever, for _eternity_.

* * *

Yet here was this idiot_ child _questioning his strongest, most long-held beliefs about art, about _life_. And he was doing it such an arrogant way, too. 

"You're wrong about that." Sasori said coldly, his arms crossed over his chest. "People have _more_ chances to appreciate things when they're around longer."

That was true. He'd never had a chance to tell his parents how much he loved them, since they'd left him so early. Everyone knows children take forever to realize everything their parents have done for them, and, he thought with some bitterness, that might be part of the reason (as Grandma Chiyo kept asking him, in an exasperated tone of voice) why he "couldn't just grow up".

While Sasori had been deeply absorbed in his own thoughts, the blond boy had pushed past some others to stand right beside him in the front row, and now his gaze was directed upward at the stage, where the current fight was coming to a (rather bloody) close.

The boy turned to Sasori, smirking.

"That's what you think, un. By the way, you think a lot, don't you? I noticed that earlier."

Earlier? Sasori hadn't noticed him there at all until a few minutes ago.

"Well, I think it's my turn to try my hand at this, un. You're staying for the finale, right? I'll be sure to invite you inside for a drink with me and my new fiancé once this is all over! Until then, un!"

The blonde waved cheerily at Sasori and leapt over the railing onto the stage with one swift jump, landing gracefully in front of the victor of the previous match (the loser was currently being carried off the stage).

"Greetings, un! I am Deidara, and I'm going to marry Suzume-san! Un!" He beamed at the incredibly huge, rough-looking man opposite him.

Sasori resisted the urge to slap a hand to his forehead. This kid was even stupider than he thought. You didn't _antagonize _the enemy right before a match, especially if he seemingly had an advantage over you.

To his surprise, the man burst out laughing.

"Are you sure you want to fight me? You don't even look old enough to get married yet, kid!" He exclaimed.

"Of course I'm old enough, un! Are you scared of getting beaten by someone so much younger than you, _old man?_"

The man immediately stopped laughing, his eyes narrowing dangerously. Down in the audience, Sasori rolled his eyes. This kid was so going to get pummeled.

"Enough talk. Let's begin!" The giant gave a mock bow to Deidara, who bowed pleasantly back, that annoying smile never fading off his face.

Immediately, they both dashed at each other, meeting in the center of the stage.

Sasori was a bit impressed at the kid's abilities.

He was incredibly swift, and managed to dodge or block each of his opponent's attacks very efficiently. He even retaliated by aiming a well-placed kick at the big man's chest that sent him stumbling backwards, temporarily giving Deidara an advantage.

He leapt up and aimed a series of repeated kicks at the man's torso, driving him all the way to the edge of the ring, then promptly flipped him over the side of the railing.

Sasori blinked. What the hell? _That _was over quick. And the others had taken how long to defeat this guy? Geez…

On the stage, Deidara was rejoicing by jumping up and down and shouting,

"Hooray! See, I said I'd win, un!"

But the next instant, amidst the cheering of the crowd, another challenger was standing on the stage.

"All right, pretty boy. Let's see what you've got."

……

Five opponents. Deidara had taken down five opponents, each time using nothing but his super-fast attack speed and ability to end the fight within a matter of minutes.

It looked like there was no one else willing to challenge him. Sasori grinned. Finally, it was his turn.

The brat looked surprised when the redhead calmly landed in front of him, bowing slightly to make it clear that he didn't care for introductions, and wanted to start immediately.

But Deidara didn't bow back. He just stared at Sasori and said,

"You too? I thought after standing there all that time without doing anything, you probably didn't have any interest in the prize, un."

Sasori didn't say anything, so the blonde continued.

"What's your name, by the way?"

Sasori contemplated this for a second. He saw no reason to hide his real name, so he answered,

"Akasuna Sasori. You're Deidara, I know that already." He added rapidly when Deidara opened his mouth to reply. "Now let's begin. I hate to be kept waiting, and I'm certainly not going to make anyone else wait, either."

Deidara nodded. "All right, then. I guess you're on, Sasori-san." He bowed to him to indicate that the fight was starting _now_.

Deidara was starting to panic. This fight had been going on for an hour straight, and he was getting nowhere. In fact, he had forced into constant defense mode for the past fifteen minutes or so, and every seasoned warrior knew that that was _not _a good thing.

This Sasori seemed to have an endless supply of energy. He was still attacking with the same amount of strength as he had at the beginning, and Deidara knew that if the fight continued at this rate, he would be sure to lose.

He couldn't lose, though. He had more at stake than anyone if he lost- he was sure of it! He had spent months coming up with this plan, but in no way had he anticipated someone like Akasuna Sasori, the grandson of the emperor's ex-advisor, showing up. He'd even purposely picked this setting, right next to the buzzing marketplace, so that someone like Sasori wouldn't show up, and yet here he was, fighting him right at this second!

Deidara gasped as Sasori's fist made contact with his stomach. Damn, he shouldn't have gotten distracted there. He stumbled back and felt the railing against his back. This was very bad. There was only one thing to do now.

Deidara brought his arm up to block his opponent's next attack and whispered,

"Hey, Sasori! Can we talk for a bit, un?" He saw Sasori hesitate, giving him a what-the-hell-are-you-trying-to-pull look. At least he wasn't violently attacking anymore, though.

"Listen, about this entire competition. What do you say we call it a draw, hmm?" He grinned uneasily, afraid to meet the redhead's eyes.

"Did you hit your head too hard when I threw you on the ground or something?" Sasori asked incredulously.

"N-no! I'm serious, un!"

"Stop fooling around. If you're surrendering, then say so right now, so we can end this. It's taken too long as it is." And the crowd was getting restless and confused, seeing the two fierce opponents stop mid-fight to chat like this.

"But you don't understand, un! It's not the way it seems at all!"

"Tell me about it after the fight's over, okay, kid?" Deidara was forced to swerve out of the way as Sasori's arm slammed down where his head had been a second before. But that didn't mean he was unnerved or anything. If anything, he was angrier than before.

"Kid?!" He exclaimed. At least the previous five opponents had the right to call him that- they were probably men in their thirties and forties already. But this guy! "You're probably younger than I am, un!"

"I'm nine years older than you are, brat, and I have every right to call you a kid!" _–Chop-_

"Nine years-? Whoa, that's _old_! You can't marry Suzume if you're that old! Give up already!" _–Ducks to avoid hit-_

"I'm not young enough to be her annoying baby brother, like you are, so why should I give up?" _–Spins around and grabs hold of Deidara's ponytail-_

"Oh, OUCH! Let go of that! You're yanking out all my hair! OW!" Deidara stopped yelling when he realized that Sasori's hand was no longer grasping his ponytail. In fact, come to think of it, he couldn't feel his ponytail anymore, either. He gasped as it dawned on him…

Sasori had yanked his hair hard enough that the hair-tie had popped off and as a result, his hair now fell loosely in golden strands to his shoulders. He looked up in time to see Sasori gazing at him, an expression of horror (and also sudden recognition) on his face.

Even the crowd below them had gone completely silent.

For what seemed like the longest time ever, the two of them stood there, staring at each other, one in complete shock and confusion, the other in complete discomfort and anxiety. Then, finally, Sasori opened his mouth and uttered one word.

"Suzume?"

**Additional A/N: Well, I couldn't resist, so here's Ch. 2! It's not that good, since it's now 2 AM, and I had to leave it at that spot 'cause I have school early tomorrow. I guess now this story has to be longer than I originally intended. Eh, well... **


	3. Chapter 3

**Match**

**Chapter 3**

**Summary: Deidara explains… **

**A/N: This story contains inconsistent use of the "-san, -chan, -kun, -sama", and so on titles, because I constantly feel the urge to revert back to medieval/Victorian English titles. This chapter will be VERY confusing, because of a flashback that lasted longer than I expected. ****Also, I realized the asterisks I put to indicate POV-shift don't show up on here, so from now on I'll indicate POV-shift using something else. **

**In addition...! I was looking through several other fics, and I noticed the name Suzume in there, too! Suzume seems to be a popular name in Naruto fanfic-dom...**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto… Deidara would truly be a woman, instead of just **_**looking**_** like one. **

"You're Suzume?"

"No! I'm DEIDARA, un!" Deidara said, emphasizing the "dara" part and tossing his hair for emphasis (though that last part was done subconsciously).

"Hey, what the hell's going on here?" The heavyset man that Deidara had defeated earlier shouted.

"Yeah, what's the big idea?!" Someone else yelled from the back of the crowd.

"Why does that woman look like you?!"

"Why do you look like a woman?!"

"Shut _up_, un!" Deidara snapped, glowering at the audience.

"We want answers!"

"Tell us what's going on!"

"Yeah!"

"That's right!"

"Yeah! Tell us!"

Deidara heard Sasori sigh deeply, closing his eyes.

"Mob mentality." He said, shaking his head.

"I know, un! They're so impatient! I'm going to go get a drink! I'll see you later, all right, un?"

Sasori's eyes snapped open, and they flared so dangerously that Deidara decided it was best to escape while he still could.

The blonde already had one foot on the top step of the mini set of stairs at the back of the stage when the redhead grabbed a fistful of his hair and prevented him from going any further.

"Ow, un! What's with you and pulling my hair, anyways?"

"You owe me an explanation, _boy_."

"That's good! Hold him right there!"

Sasori wheeled around, turning Deidara with him, and the two of them saw that the front rows of the audience (a.k.a. the men that had competed to marry Suzume, or win her enormous dowry, or both) were spilling onto the stage, leaping over the railings and using the steps at the front.

Deidara saw the man that was supposed to be his "father" running down the stairs past him and Sasori.

"They seem pretty mad! Hope you get out of this one alive!" He shouted, disappearing through the restaurant door.

"Huh? Hey, wait! You have the carriage, un!" Deidara shouted. That ungrateful little- after all the money he'd paid the man, too! The crowd would be upon him in a few seconds, and they looked absolutely menacing.

He felt Sasori release his hair and grab onto his arm instead. "Come on, brat! We have to hurry!"

The redhead took off into the restaurant, pulling Deidara after him. They rushed straight through, knocking over tables and chairs, the mob following close behind. Since he was being dragged by Sasori, who was surprisingly fast, the next few minutes went by in a blur for Deidara. They burst through the back door, into a small alleyway, onto the main street, through the marketplace. Things were flying everywhere, stalls were knocked over, and people rushed to get out of their way, while from behind them came cries of shock, anger, pain, as the mob stumbled and fell on the wares that had fallen from the stalls, or crashed straight through.

Deidara was running faster than he'd ever run before in his life. "S-slow down, un!" He finally managed to gasp out after they had turned yet another corner, into a dead-end alley.

"Doesn't look like I have a choice, does it?" Sasori answered, breathing heavily himself. He let go of the blonde's arm (which was probably red and bruised by now, considering how hard it had been to hold on while running through crowds of shoppers). Deidara was bent over, his hands on his knees, gasping for air.

"Do you… think… we've lost them… un?"

"For now. If we step out of this alley, they'll see us right away." Sasori was scanning the area for possible escape routes.

The alleyway was littered with sticks and branches of various sizes. There seemed to be an abundance of bamboo sticks, and what looked like frames for doors or garden arches. Next to Deidara was a wooden wagon filled with logs, and behind that was a large bamboo mat. It was stiff, and part of it draped over the wagon handles, covering a part of the wall and reaching all the way to the pavement. Sasori approached the wagon and lifted a corner of the mat.

They could hear shouts and strings of unintelligible words growing louder and louder. Deidara straightened up again, wiping the sweat that was pouring from his face with his large sleeves. He grabbed a stick that was leaning against the wall and held it in front of him like a sword.

"We can use these to fend them off, un!" He said excitedly, swinging the stick through the air with a swooshing sound.

"And what do you suggest we do once they've got us backed up against the wall with no place to run? Those men had swords and other various pointy, shiny weapons, if you didn't notice." Sasori said, without even looking up. He seemed to have found something of interest.

Deidara scowled, still gripping the stick. "I don't know. Maybe we could climb onto the roof, un?"

The voices were starting to get loud enough that they could hear what the men were saying now.

"Hey! I think they went into the alley!" The familiar, loud voice of the unusually large suitor rang out.

Sasori spared one glance upward to the roof. Why hadn't he thought of that?

"Too late now. Get in!" He lifted the bamboo mat higher and pulled Deidara underneath it, behind the wagon, slipping in after the blonde and dropping the mat back into place. The gap that was formed between the mat, the wagon, the wall, and the floor formed a small, "cozy" little nook that wasn't visible from the outside.

However, it was _too _small, and certainly not cozy. The lack of space made it impossible for both of them to sit comfortably. Deidara, who had gone in first, was practically curled up into a ball against the wagon wheel, his knees drawn tightly to his chest. Sasori was left with no choice but to squeeze in front of him, one knee next to Deidara's right leg, drawn up to his own chest (a crouching position), and the other (which was supporting most of his weight) on the ground, pressing down on Deidara's boots. He placed his arm against the wall over the other boy's head to maintain balance, and the overall effect was incredibly awkward, as if they were about to embrace or something equally intimate and scary.

Deidara gulped, feeling a bead of sweat roll down the side of his face. It was _really_ hot in here, and they were both wearing layers of clothing. Plus, this man that he had barely met a few hours ago was now huddled over him, their faces so close he could see his long, dark, lovely eyelashes- oops, scratch that last part- though those were some _nice_ lashes- long and thick, like a woman's…

"Um, Sasori, un?

"Shhh! They're here!" Sasori had his head turned to the bamboo mat, as if he wasn't even noticing how cramped up they both were, what close proximity they were in.

There was the sound of boots crunching against twigs and pavement. About ten men at least were now standing in the alleyway, mere feet from where the two of them were hidden in their tiny little space.

"They're not here." One of them said.

"They've got to be. Where else could they have gone?" The big guy was talking again.

"Maybe they went up on the roof?" Another guy said.

"Or in another direction."

"If that's the case, then the others have got 'em. Check the wagon first. It's the only place they could fit."

There was the sound of swords poking and logs being tossed out onto the floor. Deidara breathed a small sigh of relief. Thank goodness the wagon itself was big and heavy, or else it would've given way and exposed them.

"There's no one here!"

"Strange. Maybe you're right. They had enough time to climb onto the roof. We'll go up there and head over to meet the other boys back at the restaurant."

Deidara heard the group of men shuffling past them and the sounds of shingles clattering against each other under the weight of each man that leapt up. When the last clattering sounds faded away, Sasori finally threw the bamboo mat off, and they both stood up super fast, ignoring their aching bodies screaming out at the sudden movement.

"Well, now that that's over with, _you _have some explaining to do." Sasori turned to his companion, who was brushing himself off. "First off, I have to confirm something. You _are _a man, right?"

Deidara looked insulted. "Of _course _I'm a man!"

"Then what the hell were you doing dressed up as a girl looking for a husband?"

"Oh, that. Un, that's kind of a long story." The blonde said nervously, suddenly very interested in his hands. He saw Sasori lean back against the wall across from him, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'm not that eager to get home at the moment. Start talking." So Deidara sighed, and began to repeat the events of the past few months…

"Well, you see, un, a little more than two months ago, I was officially engaged to be married."

"_Engaged_? As in, I-will-marry-this-woman-in-a-month engaged?" Sasori asked, incredulous.

"Of course! What other kind of engagement is there, un?"

"Aren't you a bit too young to settle down, brat?"

"Don't call me a brat! But un, that's what I told them- my parents, un- but they said nineteen is a good enough age to marry!"

"Huh. I wonder what you did to deserve this fate…" Sasori mused, not really expecting an answer, since it was an inevitable fate for most wealthy young men in this place. Though it was true that Deidara was being forced into a marriage a year earlier than the norm.

"Nothing, un! And according to my parents, that's the reason I'm supposed to marry right now! All I did was mess up one shipment, and they called me lazy and unmotivated and convinced themselves that by marrying, I'd actually gain newfound responsibility and a sudden desire to take over the family business." The blonde stopped for a second to catch his breath. "They own The West Wind Shipping Co." He said in response to the other's questioning look.

Sasori nodded in recognition. West Wind was the largest shipping company in the capital, and indeed the country, if he remembered correctly. What he couldn't figure out was why on earth someone would be so unwilling to take over as the owner of that place- the benefits were enormous.

Most of the country's citizens delivered and shipped their goods through one of West Wind's various ports and warehouses, which were spread throughout the country, and were always continuously expanding. Even the officials at court did their business through the West Wind Trading Co., but Sasori wasn't surprised that Deidara was never introduced there. His parents were hardly ever in the capital, and most business transactions were conducted through some lower-level supervisor, a different one at each location.

"Why don't you want to take over West Wind?" The redhead asked, fixing a pointed stare upon Deidara, who was searching around in his pockets for something, and did not notice Sasori's eyes upon him.

"Business isn't really my thing, un. Too much organization, endless calculations and planning, and kissing up to people from different departments and different companies just to get them to sign a new contract with your company. Un, I'd much rather concentrate on my art. There's no people-pleasing in that area." Deidara said nonchalantly, finally pulling out a _handkerchief _from inside his coat and tying his hair back into a ponytail with it.

"So they're hoping that simply by marrying, you'd give up your art and be interested in the company instead."

"Un!"

* * *

After he had failed to finish filling out the order forms, and the shipment hadn't arrived on time as a result of his carelessness, the West Wind Shipping Company lost a potential long-time customer, a man who owned an antiques business, and would have paid good money to ship his wares safely, had Deidara not fallen asleep and lost the forms.

His father, in particular, was furious. In business, a move like that could cost a fortune, and West Wind was big on reputation.

Deidara had been sorry at first for losing his parents an important client, but after being yelled at for 45 minutes straight, he just felt annoyed. What was one customer, anyways? It wasn't as if The West Wind had any real rivals. For all he knew, the man might just come back to their office after he realized there were no other good, reputable shipping businesses around.

"-lacking in ambition, you lay around the house doing absolutely nothing all day!" Deidara snapped back to reality in a flash at his father's words.

"You think I laze around all day, un? You and mother receive _logs_ of my progress in my studies weekly, and you know I've never been behind! I even go out nightly to build up my networks, like you wanted!"

"And what do you think the other young masters are doing at their houses? Your schedule is very basic, Deidara, and as for your idea of a network, I can't say I think much of it. I know you go out to useless parties every night and don't get home until after three. I saw you coming in through the back door yesterday, and don't think I don't know that that's the reason you fell asleep and lost the order this morning!"

"T-that's not true, un!" Deidara said angrily. "I wasn't at a party last night! I was at the unveiling of the legendary golden swan statue at the Uchihas'. I wanted to draw inspiration for my artistic endeavors, un!"

"An unveiling which ended with one of Uchiha Itachi's wild entertainment-fests, no doubt. I wish you'd just stop using this "interest" in art as an excuse for everything-"

"Why- do you think I'm pretending to like art? What do you know about my interests, _Dad_? All you've ever cared about is business!"

"Don't use that tone with me, young man! Your mother and I try to keep up this business so that you can have the best opportunities and privileges available, and you aren't taking advantage of it at all, from what I've seen!"

"Well, I'm sorry you wasted your time, then, un. I'm going home now. I don't feel well."

Deidara stalked out of the warehouse, ignoring the stares of the workers who were unloading sacks and boxes nearby, and purposely letting his father see the fat teardrop leaking out of the corner of his eye. He knew the effect this would have on his parents. For as long as he could remember, every time he had gotten in trouble, all he'd have to do was let a few teardrops fall, and immediately his parents would cease scolding him, thinking that his misbehavior had something to do with the fact that they'd left him in a nanny's care since he was born, practically. Ah, guilt. How he loved to take advantage of it.

Too bad this time his parents' guilt had turned around and smacked him in the face. That evening, his mother came to his room and told him the news.

His parents were searching for a suitable wife for him.

"Your father and I understand that you may be bitter towards us for not being around to take care of you when you were younger. We were not very good parents, but we do know that it's never too late to start over."

And so on, so on. Apparently, they hoped to save him before he made a mess of his life. They understood that they couldn't force the task of taking over and managing an entire company on him this soon. First off, he had to learn to be responsible. And what better way to be responsible than to settle down? Once he was married, and had someone to love and care for, he'd want to provide the best life possible for her, and that was when, they hoped (his mother had used the word "hope" often throughout her speech), he'd be ready to join them in the world of business and shipping orders.

Deidara couldn't help but scoff at these words. His parents were the last people on earth who should be talking about love and companionship. Even though they seemed like the perfect power couple on the outside, they knew, and he knew, that their romance (if there was any romance to begin with) had gone stale many years ago, and now their relationship was strictly that of two business partners. They stayed together not because they genuinely loved and cared for each other, the way they wanted him to love and care for his new wife, but because if one of them left, the company would fall apart, and they couldn't bear for that to happen. Their real love was for their business, and that meant that they could put up with being a happily married couple in front of the rest of the world.

Too bad that didn't stop them from finding him a bride anyways. His parents were amazingly good at this sort of thing. To them, it was probably like signing another business contract, sealing another deal.

Within two days, he found himself following his parents and Lord Hyuuga Hiashi around the Hyuugas' spacious gardens, filled with expensive, exotic plant species, and endless winding walkways.

By his side was Hyuuga Hinata, who had her hands clasped in front of her, her eyes down-cast. Deidara sighed. This was going to be a very quiet, awkward marriage.

At last, Hiashi stopped and turned to Deidara's parents.

"Let us go inside and discuss the wedding plans now, shall we? We'll leave the two children here so they can get to know each other a little better."

Deidara and Hinata spent the next ten minutes in absolute silence. He had lost interest in the garden a long time ago- there wasn't so much as a sculpture around- just endless vines and plants everywhere. Hinata, he noticed, kept glancing, almost anxiously, at the pathway to the left of them, as if expecting someone to appear any second.

And someone did appear at the end of the ten minutes. A boy with messy blond hair and a huge grin on his face came striding down the path, a package in one hand.

Deidara remembered going with Nanny to this boy's run-down little house when he was younger. She had said that the boy's name was Uzumaki Naruto- he was an orphan- and Deidara knew that he now worked as a delivery boy.

"Good afternoon, Hinata-chan!" Naruto waved to Hinata, then froze when he saw Deidara standing next to her, his grin disappearing.

Deidara saw that the Hyuuga had turned bright red. "N-Naruto-kun!" She looked frantically, almost fearfully, over at Deidara.

Naruto saw the look, and walked stiffly up to her, nodding his head in acknowledgement when he passed the other blonde.

"Here's the package Cook ordered. Please give it to her for me. I have to go deliver some more now. Good day." Before he turned away, Deidara saw the look of hurt in his eyes. Hinata looked as if she wanted to rush after him. She had one hand outstretched, but dropped it limply to her side after a while.

"P-please don't tell anyone about this, Deidara-san." She said in a small voice. These were the first words he'd heard her say since he'd arrived.

"Un, don't worry about it. I'm not here to break lovers apart, though. Just remember that, un." He replied.

Hinata shook her head. "It's- it's not like that. We aren't really in a r-relationship."

"Mmhmm. Okay, then. I'm going to the outhouse, un. See you later." Pfft. Hinata-_chan_? Naruto-_kun_? He couldn't remember the last time he'd heard a wealthy young lady like Miss Hyuuga address a delivery-boy in that fashion. And since when did delivery boys address their clients' daughters so affectionately? He chuckled to himself. This would make it so much easier for him to get out of the wedding…

Ten days before the wedding, and the Hyuugas were staying over at Deidara's house. The invitations were to be sent out the next day. _This was his last chance…_

……….

2:36 AM. Perfect. Deidara eased himself off his bed and crept out of his room, shutting the doors gently behind him. On his way to the courtyard, he managed to bump into a table and two chairs, and knocked over a stack of baskets and several sticks laying near the door. The amount of noise he'd made wasn't enough to wake up the whole house, but it was sufficient in order to rouse its lightest sleepers.

With a coil of rope slung over one shoulder, and a plastic stool tucked under his arm, the blonde made his way to the big tree in the middle of the courtyard, with the bushes surrounding it, the one he'd picked out several days ago. He glanced over his shoulder to see if anyone was following him, and as a result, didn't see the other person who was backing towards the tree from the other side of the courtyard.

"Oof!" The person who'd bumped into him let out a small scream. Deidara quickly lit a match and brought it up to their faces with a swift upward motion.

"D-Deidara-san?"

"_Hinata_?"

**Additional A/N: Sorry about the length, guys. I just felt I needed to make it longer to provide details before I cut it off. I had the first part (before Deidara's flashback) written about two days after my last update, but it just didn't feel complete. Thanks for the feedback, by the way. I appreciate it. :) **


	4. Chapter 4

**Match**

**Chapter 4**

**Summary: Chance matchmaking occurs, someone makes a lucky mistake, and a brilliant plan is hatched! **

**A/N: Another confusing chapter, which made perfect sense to me when I was typing it up at different intervals, but now that I'm skimming it over, the paragraphs seem choppy and the characters' thoughts and memories are a bit jumbled together. And I think it's time I mention that this story will include a strange ensemble of characters shoved into roles they normally wouldn't play in the series at all (which is why it's OOC and AU). Sorry about that. :D **

**Also, I'd like to thank you all profusely for your enthusiasm and overall reception to this fic. It means a lot, guys! **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto… then the characters would be morbidly uncool and seemingly on crack, the way they often turn out in my fics. **

"Hinata?" Deidara asked incredulously, looking downwards at the Hyuuga heiress, who seemed at a loss for words. He saw that she was holding a long, white length of cloth resembling a rope in one hand, and in the other was the porcelain stool from her room. Immediately, it dawned on him what she was about to do.

"Deidara-san, I… I…" Her eyes lighted upon the rope he had slung over his shoulder. "Were you planning to…?" She indicated towards the tree branch above them.

Deidara blinked, looking upwards at the branch, which seemed twisted and sinister-looking in the moonlight. "In a way, un? The wedding's coming up, after all. It's now or never. How about you?"

The lavender-eyed girl nodded slowly, avoiding his eyes. "I'm sorry, but I just can't go through with this. I love Uzumaki Naruto, but I know my father will never approve of our relationship. I couldn't just leave during the ceremony, so the only way was to…" She clenched the cloth so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

"I don't get it. If you and the Uzumaki boy love each other, why don't you two just go get married, un? Live on the other side of town until your father cools down and accepts it."

Hinata's eyes widened in horror at the thought of the consequences.

"Father would hunt me down and _imprison_ Naruto. He's capable of doing that. He'd do it just so I'll agree to marry whom he wants me to."

Deidara stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Then why don't you two elope? You're willing to start your life over somewhere else with him, right?"

"Yes…"

"You'll be giving up your title and high social status to do so, though. Un."

"I… I've never cared about those things!"

"Un? Then come on! I'll take you to Uzumaki Naruto's house, and then you two can leave before dawn, un!" Deidara grabbed Hinata's wrist, and pulled her through the entrance to the courtyard (the one through which she had come earlier).

"Elope? R-right now?" She asked, not really resisting.

"Un! It's not like you weren't defying your father by dying, right? Quick, before everyone else wakes up! I purposely made a racket while coming out here so that someone would wake up and stop me before I actually succeeded in hanging myself (he only needed his parents to know that he had _attempted_ suicide), but now, it'd be disadvantageous to us if they arrive!"

It was a good thing they'd left in the middle of the night. The streets were empty as they hurried along to Naruto's house. Naruto answered the door immediately when Deidara knocked, as if he'd been sitting there at his kitchen table all night, thinking instead of sleeping. Obviously, Hinata had told him about the wedding invitations being sent out the next day (meaning that the plans were to be finalized). His eyes had a slightly dead expression to them. All in all, Deidara thought he looked _terrible._

"Naruto-kun!" Hinata ran past him and threw her arms around her true love.

"Hinata… chan?" Naruto hugged her back, looking surprised and confused, though Deidara saw that the life had returned to his eyes.

"No time for that now, un." Deidara said, holding the door open. "I'll go get you a horse and carriage. You two pack some food and provisions, un. I'll back in a few minutes."

The closest house to Naruto's with a stable and carriages was the Naras'. He thought, as he sped away with reins in hand, that they probably wouldn't mind that he'd taken just one horse and carriage from their stable. Nara Shikamaru had just gotten promoted to the rank of chief strategist a couple of weeks ago, and he and his wife were expecting a baby soon. They were most likely feeling too happy to even notice, or care.

Before long, Uzumaki Naruto and Hyuuga Hinata were inside the carriage, with Deidara in the front seat, driving out of the city gates. His parents had a special pass for entering and leaving the city whenever they wanted, and the guards let him leave without any hassle. At the edge of the woods, past the bridge, he leapt off and handed the reins to Naruto.

He took the money pouch hanging from his belt and threw it to the other blonde as well. "I can't go any further with you, so take this and go, all right?"

Hinata leaned out of the window. "Thank you for helping us, Deidara-san." She said.

Deidara beamed back at her. "Hey, it works out well for me in the end, too, un."

"But are you sure you'll be okay? What will you do when they find out?" Naruto asked.

"I'll be fine. I can handle my parents _and _Hinata's father. You two just worry about settling down somewhere _far away_. Now hurry and leave before they catch up, un! Good luck!"

"You know, I think this is the first time I've ever heard of a groom-to-be helping his fiancé elope with her true love before in my twenty-eight years of life." Sasori felt the urge to crack up at the absurdity of it all. This kid really was something. The lengths he would go to in order to escape marriage! Though, come to think of it, he himself hadn't exactly sat there and accepted it, either.

"Un, my parents and the Hyuugas had to work to keep this hidden from everyone. The gentry and the nobility are notorious for gossip. We would all have been the laughingstocks of the capital if they had found out, un!" Deidara looked as if he probably wouldn't care in the least, even if the news did get out. "For that reason alone, Hinata and Naruto are safe for the time being, un. Her father initially wanted to search for her, but I guess in the end, he figured it wasn't worth it."

Sasori nodded. "When I was over at their house a couple of years ago, I got the impression that Hyuuga Hiashi didn't care much for his eldest daughter. He seemed to dote upon the younger one instead."

Deidara sighed, clasping his hands behind his head. "It was a sad, sad life that girl led, un."

There was silence for a few moments as both of them reflected on the state of their lives and those of their generation in general. Then Sasori cleared his throat and said,

"So tell me. If you got out of that, why did you have to go to extreme lengths with the Suzume… scheme?"

"Scheme? Un, I guess you could call it a scheme. You didn't seriously think my parents would give up that easily, did you? As I've said, all this started over two months ago, un, and before a month was even up, they were already back to their process of searching for a daughter-in-law again! I wanted to use the idea that my fiancé ran out on me and I was heartbroken- to get them to leave me alone for a while, at least until I found someone I might not be so unwilling to marry, un. But I figured that would make everyone think Hinata and Naruto are the bad guys, when in reality, I helped them escape, un."

"Aren't you a kind person now…"

"Un! Good thing that even though I didn't inherit my parents' knack for business, I _did _get some of their good planning and thinking abilities. I lost my chance to use the "heartbroken" idea the first time, but that didn't mean I couldn't use it the second time, un!"

* * *

Before long, he'd drawn up a new plan in his head. His parents, who were constantly striving to be "good, caring parents" could never stand to see their son suffer, especially as a result of one of their own ideas gone wrong. This whole thing could be twisted to his benefit.

The way he saw it was this: he needed to be part of the bride-selection process, instead of just leaving it up to his parents. He had to visit each of these girls beforehand by himself to find one that would be willing to just up and leave instead of marry him. He would inform her of his plan. He'd provide her with money and even find her a house in another city. Then he'd tell his parents he favored her. He would be engaged to her within a matter of days. He'd pretend to be infatuated with her. Then on the day before the wedding, she would run off, and he was willing to spend the next couple of weeks in bed to convince his parents that his heart had truly shattered, and he'd be better off alone for the next few years.

Or he could just send one of his servants in place of him to these girls' houses. All he needed to provide was a portrait of himself and a profile, similar to the ones his parents pored over every evening after work now. Yes, that would be even quicker than visiting them personally. By the time he was done with that, his parents could have already chosen somebody! And it would be bad if one of these ladies thought he was genuinely interested in them, enough that he'd show up in person to introduce himself.

It was decided. He would send Tobi off as soon as he got back from his errand.

………

"Young master, are you all right?" One of the maids asked him on her way to the gardens with a large pot.

The blonde was knocking his head rhythmically against the parlor wall, and ignored her completely. The maid shrugged, continuing outside. Young master Deidara had always had strange ways of expressing his emotions.

After she left, Deidara groaned loudly. This was _disastrous_! He'd sent Tobi to five different households with eligible young women, and the servant had returned, grinning broadly.

"Good news, young master! They all say they'd be happy to be married to a man as handsome and talented as you are! Congratulations!"

Deidara's mouth had dropped open in shock at these words. He'd told the eager-to-please Tobi that he could go, and had been banging his head against the wall ever since. Why did he stamp those profiles with the West Wind Shipping Co. seal, of all things? Doubtless, many of those women had seen the famous name and immediately fallen in love with his money and property. (Though he couldn't blame them for admiring his looks, as well.)

Well, now he knew that Miss Hyuuga had been an extreme rarity. Most young women of the marriageable age were perfectly willing to find good husbands and bear children. Virtually all of them did not already have someone in mind.

That night, he lay awake thinking. Finding an actual wealthy young lady was too difficult and time-consuming. The only solution now was to fake it, and fake it well. And who better to fake the part of a good, kind, gentle, wealthy, well-bred girl than…

"An actress. Your best one, preferably." Deidara had taken care to get to the theatre and arrange a meeting with the manager without anyone following him. It wouldn't do to have his parents be aware of his scheme.

"Oh, for entertainment purposes? That should be simple. Most of our actresses are very well-known in the capital, actually. They entertain regularly at wealthy households such as yours." The grinning manager said, snapping his fan shut.

Deidara frowned. "Entertain regularly? You mean, most lords and such would be able to recognize them?"

"Instantly! There are posters everywhere to inform our fans of the next show! I'm sure our actresses won't disappoint!"

"They seem wonderful, un, but they're not exactly what I was looking for. I'll have to come back after I think this over."

There'd be no point in hiring an actress to play a wealthy merchant's daughter if most of the wedding guests, and even his parents, would be able to recognize her as an actress as soon as they saw her.

……..

On his way to an art gallery near his house, Deidara happened to pass by a house decorated all in red. There was a crowd gathered underneath the balcony, upon which stood an old man, and behind him, a young woman who looked to be his daughter.

Before Deidara could begin to grasp what was going on, the young woman had stepped in front of her father, and taken a huge red ball tied in red ribbons from a maid next to her, and dropped it into the crowd below.

Immediately, the people in the crowd (who, he now noticed, were all men) started rushing to catch the ball. It was being knocked from hand to hand, and then- just like that- someone managed to grab the ball and hold onto it. The rest of the crowd cleared away, and the man on the balcony raised one hand for silence.

"Thank you, gentlemen! I think we have a winner! May the young man with the ball- or should I say, my new son-in-law, come inside the house now, please?"

Deidara had turned and walked away, in the opposite direction, before the man had even finished talking. The art gallery would have to wait till another day. The perfect solution had come at last, and he'd best act now...

The first words he heard upon entering one of his favorite restaurants were,

"Good afternoon, miss! Table for one?" The overeager waiter was eyeing him rather too closely for comfort.

The blonde was about to explode with rage, as he normally did whenever someone misidentified his gender, which was often, and worse- proceeded to check him out because of it. But at that second, he was struck with sudden inspiration instead.

"Do you really think I look like a girl?" He asked the waiter, whose expression turned to one of pure horror. "As in, I can actually pass for one easily, un?"

"You're not-? You looked- I mean, I was mistaken, sir! Would you like a seat by the window, sir? They're our best."

"Meh, forget about it. I'd like to see your manager, un." Deidara said, leaning against the counter.

"What? But sir, I was only mistaken! I apologize-"

"Don't worry, that's not what I want to see him about, un. Tell him I need to talk to him about a reservation. A _big_ reservation."

……..

The day was here. Deidara was sure things were going to go smoothly. He'd rented out the restaurant, and paid for it to be decked out in red ribbons, and for a huge stage to be put in front of it. The actors from the theatre had been hired as well. Everything was paid for, and now all that was left for him to do was to put on his disguise and get in the carriage.

He examined himself in the mirror in the theatre changing room before leaving. He'd had the costume modeled after one of the ones Hinata wore, and his hair had been let down, his bangs swept off to one side instead of falling and covering his eye like they normally did. He touched one finger to his red lips, and smiled. This was going to work after all.

* * *

"Or so you thought." Sasori said.

"Sadly, un. Then _you _had to show up and ruin my plans. Now too many men here in the capital know Suzume's face, and I can't pull this off a second time!" The blonde turned and glared at him. "I was positive that by turning this into a contest based on fighting skills, I'd win for sure, un!"

"So you entered yourself into the competition in order to win your own hand in marriage. How were you going to explain this to your parents?"

"Well, I was just going to have Suzume… disappear… un. And then I'd pull the whole infatuation-heartbreak thing I told you about earlier. Then you came, un! That wasn't supposed to happen!" Deidara pointed an accusing finger at Sasori, who merely seemed bored now that he'd received his explanation.

The redhead turned and started walking out of the alleyway. It was late afternoon now, and he was eager to go have his daily cup of tea. To his annoyance, Deidara didn't seem to realize that this meant he could leave now, and instead continued walking after him, talking non-stop about how his plans were foiled because some noblewoman's idiot grandson had fallen for his gorgeous looks and decided he wanted a piece of it for himself.

Sasori's eye twitched. He did not want to be reminded of his humiliating mistake earlier on. He felt his hand curl up into a fist, and would've whirled around and seized the irritable blonde by the collar if his eyes hadn't landed upon someone else first- probably one of the last people he wanted to see at this moment.

Grandma Chiyo was examining some hairpins at a stall a few feet away from where he and Deidara were standing. She seemed to be absorbed in what she was doing, so it wasn't too late to turn and run. Unfortunately for Sasori, his grandmother, being an elderly noblewoman, was not alone, and was instead being accompanied by her maid, Konan, whose blue hair was very visible even through the crowd, similar to the way Sasori's own red hair must have been extremely visible to whoever was looking around aimlessly, which was what Konan was doing now.

"Young master Sasori!" Crap. Why did Konan have to have such sharp eyes? The young woman began waving to Sasori, her shopping basket swinging around wildly and threatening to whack anyone nearby in the face. Grandma Chiyo looked up from the hairpins and spotted him immediately. She and Konan began weaving through the crowd towards him.

"Hello, Konan. Grandma Chiyo." Sasori greeted unenthusiastically.

"There you are, Sasori. And who's this?" Chiyo was smiling at a spot slightly to Sasori's right. Oh, right. Deidara. He'd forgotten all about the other man.

"I'm Deidara, un." The blonde beamed, bowing to Chiyo in the traditional way children greet elders. "Sasori's told me a lot about you, Chiyo baa-sama."

Grandma Chiyo seemed pleased. "Sasori, it's about time for our afternoon tea. Why don't you invite your friend along?"

"Actually, Deidara was just about to head home." Sasori interrupted, grinning sheepishly. Deidara felt himself being steered off in the opposite direction.

"Oh, nonsense! I'm sure her parents won't object if they knew she was having tea with me!" He felt Chiyo's surprisingly strong grip on his arm, pulling him back, past a blankly staring Sasori, who promptly asked,

"She?"

"Well, what else would you refer to her by?" Konan asked.

Deidara chuckled nervously. "Actually, I'm really-"

"No, dear, don't you worry about what he says. He's just worried I'll embarrass him in front of a pretty girl like yourself. And you," Chiyo pointed at Sasori. "We are going to have tea now. Follow me." She marched off to the fancy-looking restaurant down the street, pulling a confused-looking Deidara after her. Sasori was left standing, his mouth slightly open, in the middle of the street.

Konan stepped in front of him, grinning evilly. "Awwww, I never knew you were so shy, Sasori! I knew there had to be a reason you get so angry every time Chiyo-baa sama tells you to marry Sakura!" She walked off down the street, laughing loudly at his expense.

…...

"Aw, come on, Sasori! Don't be mad! I was just getting back at you for messing up my competition, un!"

It was now past 6:30, and many people were starting to hurry home. The bridge they were crossing was crowded, so no one paid any attention to the talkative blonde and the seething redhead.

Finally, they walked off the bridge and Sasori whirled around. "I have every right to be mad! Do you realize what you've just done? This is Grandma Chiyo we're talking about! She thinks there's something serious going on between us, and you kept urging her on!"

"Well, I don't have to go visit you guys again. I don't think Chiyo-baa sama'd mind. After all, she told me that if you hadn't been hiding me from her, then she wouldn't have had to go the temple a few hours ago to pray for you to come to your senses and marry Sakura. Un, I'll just stay on my side of the city and you stay on yours, and we'll be fine!" Deidara said.

"I'm not going to marry Sakura! When will you people get it? And you don't know my grandmother! If you don't come visit her, she will come to you, and she will come bearing _wedding tidings_, and she will come whether or not you give her your address!" Sasori shouted the last bit, throwing his arms up in frustration.

Deidara was chewing on a nail, obviously deep in thought. Suddenly, his eyes lit up with a mysterious twinkle.

"Un! This is pure luck!" He shouted, punching a fist into the air.

Sasori's eyes widened as the blonde turned his gaze upon him. "Oh, no! Don't look at me now! I know what you're thinking, and I'm not going to do it!"

"But this'll be the answer to all our problems!" Deidara approached Sasori, forcing the other to back up until he was against a tree.

"You see, your grandma's already convinced I'm a girl, and by the look of things, she seems to approve of you and me. My parents are going to be easy to sway, and all I need to do is work my magic, and in no time you'll be able to pass off as my fiancé in their eyes! I'm from the gentry, you're from the nobility, we live in different parts of town, and we know different people, so we could have two separate weddings and deceive everyone!"

Sasori straightened up, crossing his arms. "And then we'd have to tell them we're moving to a different city, and as soon as we get there, we'll go our own separate ways and be free from marriage and expectations forever. Only, I'm not that keen on moving, and even if we do move, I know Grandma Chiyo's going to come visit us."

"Neither of us have jobs that require us to stay in the capital, and we could always arrange to meet up at a certain location before our relatives show up, and then spend the day with them as if we were a couple, and go off again, un." Deidara explained eagerly.

Sasori stroked his chin thoughtfully. "It sounds almost tempting. Very well, we'll follow up on Grandma Chiyo's invitation then. Meet me here tomorrow, and we'll plan it out."

"Un!" They parted ways, Sasori heading back over the bridge, deep in thought, and Deidara almost _bouncing _enthusiastically down the street in the other direction…


End file.
